Update on our rainbow babies

Our sweet little babies came very unexpectedly at 33 weeks and 4 days gestation.  I had placenta abruption and was hemorrhaging so they took the babies via emergency c-section.  Although they were both over 5 pounds, their lungs were still very underdeveloped.  They were in the NICU for 3 weeks which was incredibly hard and stressful.  But, they are now home, healthy and happy sweet babies and we feel so so blessed!!!  They are 3 months old now and I can hardly believe it when I look back at these pictures and remember how far they have come.  They have brought tremendous joy to our family.

Some have asked if my pain has lessened since having the babies.  My answer is no.  Absolutely not.  These babies did NOT replace my Lincoln in any way.  And if anything I think I miss Lincoln more.  I want so badly for these babies to know him and to grow up with him.  I wish he was here to be with us as we learn to adjust to life with two new babies in our family.  I'd love to watch him and how he reacts to having two new siblings around.  And I have strangely felt at times like I am missing something, which I haven't felt in a long time.  I'll put our seven year old to bed, and get the babies asleep, and then I'll come down stairs and wonder around aimlessly because I think I'm suppose to be doing something else . . . and then I realize I am.  I am supposed to be putting my FOUR and a half year old to bed too.  But he's not here for me to do that.  I feel joy from these new lives and I feel SO blessed that they are in our family.  But mostly I feel busy.  And tired.  But the pain and the grief is still there.  That will never go away.

baby boy above, baby girl below.