However, there is one question that I often get asked that I absolutely dread. And my heart skips a beat every time I'm asked, "How many kids do you have?" and "Is she (referring to Jezelle) your only child?" I decided soon after Lincoln passed away that I was never ever going to say I only had ONE child. It didn't feel right to me. I have two children and by saying I only have one, it makes it seem that Lincoln never existed, and that makes me panic. So, I decided early on that I would never say I only have one child or that Jezelle is my only child. Sometimes when I'm asked, I can respond by saying, "No, I have two" or "No, I have a son as well" and that's that. No more questions asked and I move on quickly. However, it often doesn't end with that because the next obvious question is, "Oh- well how old are your children?". . . . and then I have to explain. And again, I don't mind explaining, but I hate making the other person feel awkward or uncomfortable, which really is the only reason I dread the initial question. I hate making people feel bad or feel like they have to say something or worry because they don't know what to say . . . And so, I dread it. Who would think a simple curious question would open such a can of worms?
A few weeks ago we were at a store and when a sales woman came over to help us Jezelle of course immediately struck up a conversation with her. The woman then stopped in the middle of the conversation, looked around and said, "And do you have a son here too? I could have sworn I saw a little brother here," Shane and I just looked at each other but Jezelle didn't skip a beat. She said, "Well, I do have a little brother but he died." And . . . . wait for it . . . cue awkwardness. And not any awkwardness for us because this is our life. We live with this every day. The awkwardness comes from the other people who don't know what to say and feel bad.
And this is our life. 11 months after our Lincoln passed away.
I have a good friend here that hates 'the' question too. I remember her explaining to me these exact same feelings after her baby girl died. This was a great post and I love Jezelle's innocence and pizzaz - it's amazing, quite frankly. And so are you. xoxoxo
ReplyDeletePS - Worst 11 months ever!
Oh, and, Linc's cheeks are the absolute best. :)
ReplyDeleteI love that Jezelle said "I HAVE" and not "I did have" a brother. Its a little hint into how well she knows Lincoln is still living just not here on earth right now. Whenever I get the chance to chat with Jezelle I always think of the phrase "Behold your little ones"
ReplyDeleteOh, Joie! I can, in a small way, relate to the pain that innocent question can bring. I had twin boys that were stillborn, and to this day it stings when people ask how many children I have. I can't imagine the pain you feel without Lincoln. Sweet Jezelle radiates love, and I can't help but believe there is a small part of her brother shining through her countenance.
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