What to say . . .

A few days ago a friend of mine told me her neighbor's little girl passed away in a boating accident a few days prior.  'How horrible!!', was my first thought, and my second was 'I can't imagine'!! Although I am careful to never claim to know exactly how a another mother or father feels after losing a child, since every situation and incident is so different, I actually CAN imagine very well how that feels. Even if the circumstances are so different. Hearing of incidences where a child has died immediately takes me to a dark place, and quickly makes me feel physically sick to my stomach. I feel such a deep sense of grief and heartache for other parents who have lost their children and I am overwhelmed by their sadness and the hurt and pain that I know they will feel for the rest of their lives.

I've been told by friends a few times lately that I seem happy and life must be going well.  And although it IS, I have found myself struggling with that statement.  I am happy.  I have found joy in the blessing that I have in my life.  BUT ..... there will always and forever be a "BUT" to that statement.  Because the pain never goes away, and the grief always hits at very unpredictable times. And there is a part of me that will never be ok and will always be sad.  I think sometimes people want to think I am "better" and "ok".  And I suppose I am. BUT I wouldn't describe it that way- I would say I have just learned how to cope with my grief more successfully.

I always appreciate when someone asks me for advice when they know of someone who has lost a child.  And I really respect those who try and understand what they can do or what they can say during such a difficult time.

A dear friend recently passed along this article to me and I thought it was so well written, I wanted to share it here in case you have a friend who loses a child and you would like to educate yourself on what to say and what not to say.

http://www.upworthy.com/5-things-i-didnt-want-to-hear-when-i-was-grieving-and-1-thing-that-helped?c=ufb1