6 months

Tomorrow it will be six terrible months since we lost our sweet baby boy.  And I know you now know exactly what I'm going to say:  it seems like it's already been FOREVER!!!!!  It feels like it's been much longer then six months.  And that seems overwhelming to me.  My heart is full of overwhelming love for this child and I miss him every minute of my day.  I was recently told that we will never get over this, but we will get through it.  I think something I miss most about having Lincoln with us is his angelic personality and his incredible ability to make anyone feel at peace in moments.  I miss slowing down and just enjoying every minute of life as he did and helped us do the same.  The above picture was taken just a month before Lincoln passed away.  He had been hospitalized for a night because he got so sick from a common virus.  This was just before we left the hospital.  He was feeling better and was all smiles, as always.  What a trooper.

I still can't see that anything good can come from this situation, although people insist it will.  But I do try and continue to learn from it.  I try to continue to have faith although it's very difficult sometimes.  I was told just yesterday by a very wise woman that faith is not just a feeling.  It's a decision.  I must decide to continue to have faith in God's plan for me and my family.  I must have faith that He knows what is best.  The past few months have ironically felt harder then the first few months after his passing.  Again, I've been assured that this is 'normal'.  I think I was blessed with peace and amazing comfort and support through the first few months and then I suddenly felt alone and angry.  And when there is anger, it's difficult to feel peace and comfort from the Lord.  So, I continue to try and find acceptance in His plan, and an understanding of it.  I try to still see the blessings that we have been given, and the tender mercies from the Lord.  My sweet dad reminded me recently that the Lord did what was best for Lincoln.  It was his plan.  Not mine.  And although that's difficult to hear, I try and remember the truth in that.  I have no idea what Lincoln's life here on earth would have looked like as he would have gotten older.  I don't know that he would have walked and talked and had friends.  I don't know that he wouldn't have been teased by others or been called names.  And although I truly think he would have walked and talked and lived a very happy life, I still don't know exactly what was best for him.  But my Heavenly Father does.  And I must have faith in that.

My sweet sister-in-law wrote a sweet poem I wanted to share on here:

God sent you a child
A child who never grew old
With ears that made us laugh
And a heat as pure as gold

And our crazy family
More closer knit we grew
When we found out he was different
Different from me and you

We fasted and prayed
That his struggles would come to naught
Little did we know
It was us who would be taught

We called each other more
To see how he was doing,
And celebrated as a family
With the progress he was making

We got swept up in the journey
Of everything you went through
And learned the lessons you learned
Of love, patience, and virtue

We mourned as family
On that heartbreaking night
When Lincoln went back home
And prayed that you'd be alright

Not one of us slept that night
No not a wink
Our thoughts were with you
And that sweet little Linc

As far apart as we were
We yearned for one another
And we quickly made arrangements
To soon be together

There was not much we could do
But a thing here or there
Still we came just the same
To show you that we care

For that sweet little boy
Who blessed our family
Who taught us so much
And left us so suddenly

And as I sat with our family
As we laughed and cried and loved
I thought that this was Lincoln's last gift
A last lesson from above

That the things that matter most
Are God, friends, and family
And trivial things fall away
For what makes us truly happy

Goodbye Lincoln
It hurts so much to say
But we take comfort in knowing
We will meet again someday

We won't forget your silly smile
Or the curl of your strawberry hair
But mostly we won't forget
The lessons you were born to share
----Aunt Brittney

What a gift Lincoln is in our lives.  I'm so honored to be his mother and have learned so much from him.  I love you little Linc Linc.  I miss you so so much.