7 months

Tomorrow marks 7 months without our sweet boy. Oh how I miss him. I miss him so much I sometimes think my heart might physically break. Actually I think it already has.

After Lincoln passed away we received an incredibly generous and thoughtful gift certificate in the mail from a bunch of my collage sorority sisters. There was a gift certificate for airline tickets and an incredibly generous Marriott gift card as well. Holy cow!! Shane and I were overwhelmed by their thoughtfulness and generosity. Many people encouraged us to get away, go on a trip and forget about life. But Shane and I both felt that before we did that we first needed to learn how to live our 'normal' life without him in it. We felt like if we were to go on a vacation right away we would just be avoiding our problems rather then facing reality. And so we planned a trip to Maui that we could look forward to! And it came at the perfect time. We just got back from spending 6 amazing and perfect days in paradise. A much needed vacation.

And although the thought crossed my mind more then once that really the reason we were here was because our Lincoln had passed away, I was also able to see how much we had changed since his death and from his death. And although its still very difficult to see that anything good has,
or really ever will come from his death, in the beauty of where we were, I suddenly realized that if nothing else, I have come to see how precious life truly is. We went to Maui, a place I went as a child with my family. I hadn't been back to that island in 10 years and definitely saw it through a different set of eyes. We were in paradise. We were in one of the most beautiful places in the world! And yet all around me I heard people complaining about little things. Silly things that didn't and shouldn't matter anywhere in life, but certainly not while basking in the sun, on the beaches of Hawaii. And I suddenly realized how much I now know just how precious life is. And how much I try so hard to just appreciate each day and the little things. Live in the moment. Spend time with those you love most! And just enjoy life!!!

Our flight home from Hawaii was cancelled this afternoon, which in turn created a hole lot of unhappy people. And though I'll admit I was unhappy as well, I also had to remember that we need to be grateful to be alive and grateful that we are safe. I teach social skill classes to children with special needs and one thing we work hard on, when dealing with problem solving and conflict resolution is small problem versus big problem. If it's a small problem, and one you can solve then its not that big of a deal. People need to just chill out!!!!

While hanging out at the pool we met the sweetest family who had a beautiful little girl who ironically has a chromosome abnormality on chromosome 1. We visited with the family for quite awhile and although I walked away missing my little one with a chromosome abnormality, I found joy in visiting with another family who also enjoys every day. Their daughter wasn't expected to live past the age of 2 and now she's 2 years old and learning to smile and sit up. Her sweet dad said they are just thankful for every day that she's alive. Sometimes little moments like that remind me that Lincoln is very much still in our lives and watching over us. And how grateful I am to be his mom. Below is an amazing talk given by a man who lost his son. It is eye opening to those who are maybe wondering when we will 'get over this' or 'feel better'. The answer is never:
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/watch/2012/10?lang=eng&vid=1882755269001&cid=9