1 month

Today it's been one month since Lincoln passed away.  ONLY one month.  It seems like it's already been at least a million years.  Seriously.  I'm not even exaggerating.  It feels like forever since I last held him, cuddled with him, smelled him, and heard him laugh.  However, I guess I also look back and think to myself, 'wow, I've somehow made it one month.  Just keep putting one foot in front of the other . . . Now only 60+ years to go.'

It's not uncommon for us to come home lately and find flowers on our doorstep.  They usually do not have a note or a card with them.  They are just there.  And they truly shed a little (and often times a LOT of) light on our day.  It's always nice to know that someone is thinking of us.  It gives me strength to go on, to take another breath, to go another day.  This weekend has been emotional.  Not only does it mark one month since Lincoln' death, but it's also Easter.  And it's hard not to reflect back on last year and what we were doing one year ago on Easter, and what we would be doing with him this year to celebrate.  Jezelle has even been exceptionally emotional and keeps saying that it just doesn't feel good to not have Lincoln here.  I tell her that I agree.  And then, without fail, we came home today and found two beautiful planted flower pots on our door step, and of course the most perfect metal pinwheels were stuck in them as well.  They totally brightened our day.

For those who have missed the significance of the pinwheel, here is the story behind it:

Lincoln loved things that spun!  And he really loved his spin toys- anything at all that spun he would find it!  One of the first skills that come naturally to most children is the ability to spin things.  They are able to reach out their arm and swipe something, causing it to spin.  This is why many toys include something that spins.  But for Lincoln this was a big skill that he had to work on and he definitely worked hard to achieve it.  Once he learned how to spin things he loved anything that spun.  It became him mission to search out anything that would spin.  So, at his funeral we handed out pinwheels to everyone (which many of our loving friends and family helped make!), to remember Lincoln by.  And now, every time I see a pinwheel, I think of our sweet Lincoln.  Below are the pinwheels we gave out at the funeral.

And on Lincoln's birthday we came home to this:

Someone had once again thought of us and did another act of kindness by lining the pathway to our front door with pinwheels.  And the list goes on and on and on.  We continue to receive incredibly thoughtful cards and notes in the mail, along with many sweet little packages that make us feel so loved.

And so we go on.  And feel so incredibly blessed to have such amazing people in our lives who continue to lift us up and carry us through the dark.