Normal

I went into Lincoln's room yesterday, just to remember his smell, as I have done multiple times a day for the past month and his smell was gone.  Just like that.  Gone.  His room doesn't smell like him anymore.  After a small melt down (well ok, really I've been crying about it for 2 days now) I realized that was just the first of many things that had been tied to Lincoln, that would begin fading away or disappearing.  It was a strong and harsh reminder that life goes on, and things resume as "normal".  And yet, it just doesn't seem that our lives should be 'normal' without him here.

Many people have asked how our precious 5 year old, Jezelle, has been doing and the answer is that she is grieving in much the same way we are.  She will be ok, going along, and then all of a sudden she will burst out crying and just sob for a few minutes.  It's like she needs to get that all out and then she can continue on with her day.  I do the same thing.  And although I feel and think the same thoughts she does, she puts everything in such a simple and raw way, that it's all the more heartbreaking to hear her say those exact things that I'm thinking.  The main statement that she says over and over again is, "I just don't feel so good without Lincoln here." Yes, I know honey.  Me neither.

On a more positive note, I'm trying my best to see some of the tender mercies from the Lord and keeping track of those, to remember them when I'm feeling down.  One of those arrived in the mail last week: hours and hours of Lincoln being videotaped during a language communication study which he was enrolled in for the past year.  Oh what a blessing that we not only have quite a few sessions video taped of the wonderful therapist working with him but also of me with him!!!  Watching those videos make me smile and cry all at the same time.  I want to reach inside the TV and pick him up.

The new crazy around here is self-serve frozen yogurt shops.  And oh how our 5 year old loves the control over that one!  She not only gets to pick her favorite flavor of frozen yogurt, but also the toppings.  What a dream!  It's her new favorite thing to do and there just happened to be one right near one of Lincoln's therapy clinics.  Lincoln was beginning to love frozen yogurt as well! . . . except when he'd get brain freeze from eating too much COLD all at once.