8 weeks

It's been 8 weeks today since I last held my little baby boy in my arms and kissed him goodbye.

Have I mentioned yet that it seems like it's been FOREVER?!! . . .

When we first discovered Lincoln had special needs I was obsessed with reading other people's blogs who had children with special needs.  I related to them, felt for what they were going through in their lives  and understood them.  Since Lincoln passed away I haven't read those blogs as much.  It's ironic to say that I'm a bit jealous of them, because they still have their child with special needs with them; to laugh with, hold and snuggle and feel their incredible light and joy radiate through their lives.  In the past two months I've found new blogs to read.  Many of these blogs are written by mothers who have had young children die, much like mine did.  And although I can hardly believe I'm writing these words, I relate better to them now.  I understand their pain, I feel their sorrow and relate to their grieving, day in and day out.  One in particular that I came across the other day had some good advice for friends who are helping a loved one grieve through a loss in their life.  Her name is Michelle and you can read her story here on her blog: daysofmichelleslife

Here is what she wrote, which is more eloquently written then I could have said in my own words:
     (*note: I didn't take every item she listed, just some of the ones that I relate to the most right now)

WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE Who is GRIEVING: 

I know a lot of people just "don't know what to say/do" so they don't do anything. Not doing anything is the wrong answer. Hopefully this list can help you help the ones you love in their journey of Grief.

1. First and foremost TALK about the loved one who's passed. Even if it uncomfortable at first, it will become easier.

2. If you didn't know the person at all or very well, ask to hear about them and learn of them through stories.

3. Don't ever put a time line on someone's grief.

4. Saying things like, "They are in a better place" really isn't comforting. It makes the bereaved feel like the place they had with them wasn't good.

5. If you don't know what to say, just say, "I'm So sorry you have to go through this."

6. Don't assume they are ever "better." It never gets better and will be a part of them for the rest of their lives.

7. Don't underestimate how frazzled, abscent minded & spacey grief can make you.

8. Love notes. Emails. Thinking of You cards. Thinking of the bereaved person cards.

9. Do not, I stress Do not get offended if your loved one doesn't answer his/her phone or return your calls. Don't assume that they don't appreciate your effort. It's just that someone bereaved doesn't want to put on a "happy voice." and burden everyone with their grief.

10. Most bereaved people will not offer information on how they are doing unless they truly feel like you want to know.

11. Validate.Validate.Validate. Please whatever you do, don't compare your loved ones loss to someone elses' "harder loss". Every loss is hard. Comparing makes the person feel like they shouldn't struggle because it could be worse.

12. The comment "but aren't you grateful you know you see them again" isn't comforting. It is not a fix all. It is comforting, but it doesn't take the pain out of not having them now.

13. Just make sure they know you love them. Be a shoulder to cry on.

And I've posted this before on my blog but here it is again, with a whole new meaning to me of course (taken from bentownefoundation )

"When you have the urge to speak, listen. When you feel like your job is to point out the good news, wait. When you have the need to wrap up our experience, please don’t. For real, loving care is the willingness to sit with someone and remain with them in their pain. To hear their fears and sorrow. To say with your actions, “I don’t have all the answers, but I’m sorry. And I am here.” '